The Gateway (2006-11-07)

10) SPORTS

Basketball Bears show two
sides in season-opening wins

Lacklustre Friday and impressive Saturday create inconsistent weekend sweep

NICK FROST
Sports Staff

The fans at the Main Gym this past
weekend were introduced to a Bears
basketball team that at time looked
very green and at others came off
golden. The University of Alberta
men’s basketball team had a rather
dichotomous weekend which saw
them narrowly escape with an 84—
76 win over the Thompson River
University WolfPack on Friday night,
but follow it up on Saturday with
an emphatic 92-59 victory over the
Fraser Valley Cascades.

Playing without starting point
guard CG Morrison, who was suffer-
ing from concussion symptoms after
being attacked, along with teammate
Gary Pelton, on Whyte Avenue last
weekend, the Bears looked like two
entirely different teams in the two
games. After an uncharacteristically
sloppy performance on Friday and
the exact opposite Saturday, the Bears
should consider themselves fortunate
to have come out of this weekend’s
action with both victories.

“Tthink the guys were disappointed
with themselves [Friday night],”
Bears head coach Don Horwood
admitted. “You know, we only won
by eight in a game that we probably
should’ve won by 20 or 25, and we
feel that we just, overall, didn’t play
very well.”

Alberta found themselves only up
by two points at the half against TRU,

thanks in large part to an eleven-
point first-half performance from
guard Alex Steele.

“At [Friday night’s] game, every-
thing felt a little bit rushed,” forward
Scott Gordon explained. “Our guys
were just starting to come down, but
we weren't quite running our plays
as well as we usually do, and for our
defence—and, pretty much, over-
all—the effort just wasn’t there.”

“All of the rookies that
we were playing with
were just banging
threes, and so, overall,
I think that the team
aspect was definitely
there.”

SCOTT GORDON,
GOLDEN BEARS FORWARD

After Friday’s__—near-debacle,
Horwood looked for ways to both
fire his team up and still allow them
to pace themselves, so that a similar
performance wouldn’t be seen the
following night.

“We had a shoot-around for the
guys after Friday’s game and, you
know, I certainly felt for them,”
Horwood said. “We're better than
that, and we could’ve played better
than that. I thought we had really

consistent play from most of our
players [Saturday night]—they came
out ready to play.”

The Bears appeared to have plenty

of jump against UCFV in both halves,
accented by a number of strong indi-
vidual performances, including guard
Andrew Parker—whose questionable
technical foul in the first half for
hanging onto the rim a bit too long,
seemed to spark both the team and
the crowd—and Scott Gordon, who
put up a game-high 16 points and
eight boards.
“T just think that, overall, the team
played really well together,” Gordon
said. “We ran our plays, we exe-
cuted on defence—which was a big
help—and everyone was just shoot-
ing well. All of the rookies that we
were playing with were just banging
threes, and so, overall, I think that
the team aspect was definitely there,
which was the most important thing
tonight.”

Alberta ended up leading the
Cascades in almost every statisti-
cal category—offensive and defen-
sive—shooting .547 from the field
and adding 18 assists and 16 steals to
near-double UCFV.

“They finished a lot better than we
did,” Fraser Valley head coach Tom
Antil said. “Tonight, we were, for
certain, lacking in experience at this
level. You know, we're a young team
in this league, and we were given a
lesson in patience, and a lesson in fin-
ishing up what you start.”

THE PEP RALLY

Written by Paul Owen
Pandas Soccer

The Pandas soccer team followed up
a second-place Canada West regular
season finish with a disappointing week-
end in Regina at the conference play-
offs. With a bye into the semifinals, the
Pandas took on the UBC Thunderbirds
but came out slowly and wound up with
a 2-0 loss. This wouldn't have been a
disaster since three teams from Canada
West will make nationals, except top-
ranked Victoria—the national hosts and
one of those three teams—also lost in
the semifinals. Alberta beat UVic for
bronze, but it didn’t matter as UBC,
Trinity Western and Victoria will all be
advancing to the national championships
and the Pandas will be left to cry into their
bronze medals.

I'd accuse UVic of throwing their semi-
inal against TWU in order to make sure
hat the three BC teams made nationals,
but the Bears soccer team put in a similar
shit-tastic performance over the week-
end, so I'm chalking this one up to neither
eam having anything to play for.

Pandas Volleyball

It must be nice to opena volleyball season
against Brandon and Regina because
despite facing the closest thing they've
had to a rebuidling year in a decade, the
volley Pandas have looked like national
champs in quickly dispatching their
eastern rivals in their first two weekend
series.
After sweeping the Bobcats last week
to open their season at home, the Pandas
put on a similar display this weekend
in the Queen city as they put down the
Cougars. In Friday night's 3-O victory,
Alberta didn't allow the Cougars to score
20 points in any sets, while Saturday took

tuesday, 7 november, 2006

only one set longer as the Pandas reeled
off a 3-1 victory. The ease of Alberta's
success Is even more shocking when you
consider that Regina was the fifth-ranked
team in CIS.

Bears Volleyball

The defending national runner-ups con-
tinued their dominating attempt to prove
that despite losing five starters they are
still one of the top teams in Canada witha
pair of straight-set victories in Regina. The
Cougars stunk worse than the Wascana
in both losses, coming close in only one
set all weekend.

Pandas Hockey

| owe Manitoban sports editor Romer
Bautista an apology. When he informed
me that the Pandas had lost 4-2 to the
Manitoba Bisons on Friday, | called him a
liar and directed a string of profanity in his
direction. After all, Alberta has the most
dominant women’s hockey program in
CIS, and | didn’t even know the Bisons
women played hockey until checking
the schedule last week. Anyways, the
Pandas rebounded with a 4-1 victory on
Saturday night to move to 7-1-O on the
season. It was also the Bisons’ first ever
win over Alberta.

Swimming

In an upset to end all upsets, the Pandas
swim team defeated the Calgary Dinos
in a meet in Calgary this weekend.
Of course, the top nine swimmers
from the perennial silver medallist
Swimmasauruses were in Vancouver
for a meet against perenial better-than-
Calgaryists UBC, so it takes a little bit
of the thrill of victory away. The men
also held close, losing to the Dinos by a
mere five points. Lethbridge once again
proved they can't swim by finishing a
very distant third in both sexes. Is there
any sport that the ‘Horns are good at?

SPEAKERSSERIES

iz i

= a

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theatre

ERINNEFENWICK

GREAT BALLS OF FIRE The Double Inconstancy is as steamy as it is comedic.

A Swift rise from indie obscurity to notable musician

Ember Swift

With Ann Vriend and The Digs
Friday, 10 November at 8pm
The Powerplant

KRISTINA DE GUZMAN
Arts & Entertainment Staff

Even though she’s been making music
as an independent artist for nearly a
decade, Ontario-based Ember Swift
feels like she’s pretty well known—
and not just in Canada.

“We do more than half of our
shows in the States,” Swift says over
the phone from Massachusetts. “We're
trying to build a following of certain
areas and nurturing a following of
other areas. I’ve been touring consis-
tently since 1997 and full-time since
around 1999, so I’ve been on the road
for six, seven years, full-time.”

Switft’s career in the US has even
gotten one of her songs, “Est Elle La,”
played on the TV show The L-Word.
The singer-songwriter couldn't be
more appreciative of the exposure,
and has nothing but good things to
say about the show, which centers
on a group of lesbians living in Los
Angeles.

“T would want my music on that
show, for sure,” Swifts says without
hesitation. “It’s an amazing, progres-
sive show. It’s promoting acceptance
and diversity. I totally believe in
that.”

Aside from the States, Swift also has
a following in Australia, where she

recorded her first live DVD last year
and recently finished the release tour
for her ninth album, The Dirty Pulse,
in which many of the songs deal with
social issues such as urban isolation.

“When a lot of people live in a
really compressed area—in order to
try and get any sense of privacy—
they often don’t want to talk to each
other,” Swift explains. “A lot of times,
in apartment buildings, people don’t
know the names of the people who
they share walls with. It’s just the idea
of trying to find our own space in
these crowded conditions that creates
this isolation.”

The Double Inconstancy
Directed by Marianne Copithorne
Starring Meredith Bailey, Katherine
Gorham, Alana Hawley, Jeffrey
Olynek, Stafford Perry and Paul Welch
Runs 2-11 November

Studio Theatre

ELIZABETH VAIL
Arts & Entertainment Staff

Have you ever wondered what The
Princess Bride might have been like
if Wesley was a bit of an ass and
Humperdink wasn’t quite as bad as he
seemed? What about if true love wasn’t
necessarily found by the poor farm
boy? Well, if you answered yes to any
of the above, The Double Inconstancy
is the perfect place to answer a few
“what ifs?”

Translated from Marivaux’s origi-
nal French play by Nicholas Wright,
the story concerns two bumpkins in
ove—the adorable but clumsy Silvia
(Meredith Bailey), and the practical
but oblivious Harlequin (Paul Welch).
The Prince of the land (Stafford Perry),
who's required by law to marry one of
his subjects, spies Silvia while on a hunt-
ing trip, and uses his princely authority
to whisk her away, against her will, to
his palace to become his bride.

This Prince, however, doesn’t oper-
ate a pit of despair, and employs a pair
of devious sisters (Alana Hawley as
the manipulative Flaminia, Katherine
Gorham as crass Lissette) instead
of a six-fingered man. Although he
admires Silvia enough to refrain from

However, Dirty Pulse wasn’t made
with a theme in mind. There are songs
about the mining industry, as well as
songs about ten-pin bowling. Swift just
writes whatever she feels like writing,
and is also well-rounded in her musi-

cal tastes.

“T like all kinds of music—classical
music and jazz and funk, and I’m a big
fan of a lot of Canadian artists,” she
says. “I love artists like Joni Mitchell,
Bruce Colburn and Kinnie Starr.”

Talking with Swift, it’s hard not to
notice that she often uses the term
“artists.” Her beliefs in artist own-
ership and control are the driving

11

entertainment@gateway.ualberta.ca « tuesday, 7 november, 2006

A constant pleaser

The Double Inconstancy might be chaotic, but it's a well-crafted performance

meeting her in person—that is, except
when he’s disguised as a common sol-
dier—or from banning Harlequin
from the palace altogether, he’s not
above ordering his minions to try and
maneuver, cajole and trick Silvia and
Harlequin into falling in love with
other people.

While this may sound like an ordi-
nary romantic comedy with rather
stock characters, the setting ultimately
complicates the narrative. The Prince
rules over a very decadent, superficial
and gossipy court, and as such, Silvia
and Harlequin, the supposedly inno-
cent country couple, find themselves
grappling with their own demons
of greed, pride, lust and vindictive-
ness, as Flaminia, having insinuated
herself into their lives as a “friend,”
alternately rouses Silvia’s vanity and
seduces Harlequin.

Marianne Copithorne’s
makes apt use of the play’s interesting
conflict between wordy, complex dia-
logue and broad, simplistic and obvious
slapstick humour. The visual absurdity
and wild gestures—mostly from the
Hawley and Welch, the comedic stand-
outs of the production—relax the audi-
ence while the tricky wordplay and
wicked line delivery—again, mostly
from Hawley as the splendidly catty
Flaminia—simultaneously demand the
audience’s close attention.

The play is twisted even more off
kilter by the truly bizarre but effec-
tive set design of Guido Tondino.
Composed of a forest of orderly rows
of green globe lanterns propped on

direction

forces behind her label, Few’ll Ignite
Sound, which provides resources and
assistance to other music artists, but
doesn't sign them.

“[Few’ll Ignite Sound] is just offer-
ing people the information they need
in order to get their careers going,”
Swift explains. “They can realize that
someone else has done a lot of this
research and benefit from that.”

With her label, Swift provides
information sessions, workshops,
and an online database containing
records of various contacts such as
venues, festivals, newspapers
radio stations.

and

foot-high poles, the actors weave in
and around them as the globes flash or
light up in accordance with the char-
acters’ emotions. The clever design
creates for boundaries and setting,
while allowing freedom from walls
or doors.

Despite the otherworldly aspect of
the set, the costuming leaves a little
to be desired. An uneven mixture of
towering glowing wigs and veils with
thigh-high boots, patches and hand-
kerchief skirts, they contribute to an
overall disheveled, disorganized look,
which seems to contradict the charac-
ters’ assertions that the Prince’s court
is a parody of 18th century French
style. Instead, it looks like someone
raided the Tickle Trunk and my 16-
year-old sister’s closet and mashed the
looks together.

The performances are, for the most
part, top-notch. As mentioned before,
Alana Hawley as Flaminia and Paul
Welch as Harlequin steal the show.
Hawley’s flouncing, diva theatrics are
perfectly suited to Welch’s delight-
fully ironic whining. Meredith Bailey
pouts and stomps adequately enough
as The Double Inconstancy’s girl-next-
door, although she seems less willing
to improvise with her character as
Hawley and Welch do. Stafford Perry
as the Prince is also guilty of playing
what should have been a complex
character a little too eagerly straight.

The Double Inconstancy, nonethe-
less, is a clever, visually creative and
entertaining production about the
fickle nature of true love.

But for now, Swift is heading back
to Canada to promote her new album,
and she speaks with excitement about
her return to Alberta, in particular.

“T’s been a long time. We used to
come to Edmonton—and Calgary—
very regularly,” Swift quickly adds
with a laugh after having made
the mistake earlier of referring to
Edmonton as Calgary, and apologizing
for the mix-up by joking that she can’t
think of one of the Albertan cities
without thinking of the other.

“T think it’s been closer to two years
since we've been there and I’m really
looking forward to going back.”

12. ARTS & ENTERTAINMENT

K-QOs a hip-hop

K-Os

Atlantis: Hymns for Disco
EMI Canada
www.k-osmusic.com

KELSEY TANASIUK
Arts & Entertainment Staff

It would appear that K-Os is back with
his signature sound, for his new album,
Atlantis: Hymns for Disco, keeps with
the smoothness that makes even most
uptight person you know start to tap
their toes a little.

K-Os’ standard hip-hop is paired
with piano, trumpet and saxophone,
giving the disc a classier sound. K-Os’
vocals have the same flair and style as
in all his previous hits, but he shows his
versatility on slower tracks like “The
Rain,” on which he croons with to his
very best. Notably on the album is K-
os’ duet with Sam Roberts on the track
“Valhalla,” which is laid-back, provid-
ing an epic air that makes it suitable for
long drives.

On the whole, K-Os keeps a strong
hold on his usual party flavour. Atlantis
is a lot more chilled out than most
casual listeners would expect from the
man who brought them “Crabbuckit,”
but it’s still jazzy and fun.

nS

Making Comics
Written by Scott McCloud
Published by HarperCollins
On sale now

MIKE KENDRICK
Design and Production Editor

Any aspiring artist knows that the
best way into the world of drawing is
to pick up a pencil and start making
lines on a page. It doesn’t take a lot
of experience, and there’s a virtual
plethora of instructional materi-
als out there for all levels of skill.

K-Os

With Magneta Lane

Friday, 10 November at 8pm
The Starlite Room

JONN KMECH
Arts & Entertainment Staff

In Kurt Cobain’s famous ode to the
pungent aroma of the modern ado-
lescent’s soul, he sang, “Here we are
now, entertain us,” as a statement on
the masses and their need to be con-
stantly stimulated.

While the boredom of the average
person is a powerful force used to
drive sales in the music business, it
can also be an important motivating
tool for the actual creation of music.
Toronto hip-hopper K-Os explains
how he used such tedium to go ina
different direction on his new album,
Adantis: Hymns for Disco, as well
as to spur innovation in his musical
career in general.

“A lot of these things that happen to
me just stem from being bored,” K-Os,
born Kheaven Brereton, says over the
phone. “I’m just trying to excite myself,
have fun and try something new.”

Atlantis saw K-Os moving away
from the tone of his award-winning
2004 release Joyful Rebellion, which
commented significantly on the hip-
hop culture. While he still exposes
feelings and statements on this cul-
ture in his album, K-Os says that he’s
paid more attention to his own hip-
hop individuality, and that as far as
his music goes, the broad social and
musical commentaries were a part of
the past.

“T just got tired of talking about

Perhaps the most daunting task for
a newbie cartoonist is deciding just
which guide to follow, and where to
start. But thanks to Making Comics,
the latest installment from famed
alternative cartoonist Scott McCloud,
that task just got a little bit easier.
What’s important about
Making Comics is what it doesn’t try
to do. It’s not a guide to figure and

most

anatomy drawing; it’s not a tutorial on
perspective, nor is it a comprehensive

guide to securing a job in the comics
industry. McCloud acknowledges that
there are already a million-and-one of

the same old things over and over,
ike the state of hip-hop or the state
of the world,” K-Os says. “I feel like
hip-hop is inside of me and is more
ike a law or rulebook or credo, but I
had to talk about it for a while to real-
ize that. It lives in me as an attitude
and asa spirit, and I still love hip-hop,
but I don’t think it’s my job to say that
this is or isn’t hip-hop. I’ve done that
already and it gets really boring to
pontificate and claim you know it all

about music.”

Rather than comment on the indus-
try as a whole, K-Os says that his cur-
rent focus is making connections with
different artists.

“[The industry] is more about get-
ting to know people,” he explains.
“T always want to be working with

these books already available, and
offers a complete bibliography on
them. Instead, Making Comics is a
book about visual communication
in a specific medium, and according
to McCloud, comics are not simply a
series of pictures with word bubbles,
meant to entertain pubescent boys.
Since the first etchings on cave walls,
pictures have been used to convey
emotion, capturing a moment in
time and immortalizing it.
The first few chapters out-
line some tips to getting

started on building a $;

K

someone who creates a dialogue. I
think we’ve all had one conversation
with friends or people we've known
and been like “Wow!’ So that dialogue
is something I love to be a part of.”

Clearly working on these inter-
personal connections in the music
business, Atlantis features K-Os col-
aborating with several prominent
Canadian artists, including Sam
Roberts and Buck 65. As well, a side
project last year saw K-Os working
with the CBC Orchestra on a song
entitled “Burning To Shine,” a time of
personal growth that he was excited
to talk about.

“That was a living experience, [to
work with] guys who study music,
look at the charts and for the first time

play something and know exactly how

comic from the ground up, refrain-
ing from wasting any time dwelling
on tedious details. Using a series of
step-based rules, McCloud explains
the processes he’s developed in his 24
years of experience and how they’ve
been a saving grace for him on
many strips. From character design
to scene placement to word
Making Comics covers all the
in making your comics work. There’s
even a chapter on choosing the
right materials for the job, although
it’s stressed that the artist settles on

use,
basics

whatever feels the most natural.

What really makes the book stand
out from the hundreds of other guides
is the fact that it not only embraces
its subject matter, but goes entirely
beyond it to make the content uni-
versally applicable. While McCloud
refers to common artistic topics like
character sketches and storyboard-
ing techniques, these are only tools
used to tie in to the comics genre.
Making Comics could just as easily
be a comprehensive guide for novel
writers, playwrights, directors and
social psychologists. It explores the
methods that make characters believ-
able, and then connects these meth-
ods to the human experience and the
emotions that transform a handful of
scribbles on a page into truly a believ-
able human being.

Making Comics is McCloud’s third
entry into this genre, following 1993’s
Understanding Comics, and 2000’s
more controversial Reinventing
Comics. However, it holds up per-
fectly on its own, while making ref-
erence to his past works in order to

tuesday, 7 november, 2006

bucket of boredom

to play it,” he recalls. “That’s amaz-
ing to me; banging on keyboards,
strumming a guitar once or twice
and putting it on a computer to make
something out of it. To see their view-
points or feel their viewpoints, it made
me a smarter musician hopefully, and
definitely a smarter music maker.”

This variety of different episodes
and opportunities in his career influ-
ence the ever-changing, genre-mixing
style that K-Os has come to achieve.
While he may find inspiration in
boredom, he sees an exciting musical
future ahead.

“[My style] will keep changing, as
long as I keep growing as an individ-
ual,” K-Os explains. “Hopefully new
things will keep being brought to the
table.”

Comics draws on simplicity

MAKING

(OLULG

STORYTELLING SECRETS OF COMICS, MANGA AND GRAPHIC NOVELS

FROM THE AUTHOR OF UNDERSTANDING COMICS

SCOTT McCLOUD

strengthen key points. While years
of experience have made McCloud a
near-guru among fellow cartoonists,
he maintains a style of modest fal-
libility in the book’s conversational
writing. This sort of attitude is com-
fortingly familiar amongst artists;
we're often our own worst critics.

Because of McCloud’s knowledge
in his field, though, Making Comics
offers a vibrant pastiche of all things
comics, spanning eras and cultures.
Paying homage to past greats like
Eisner and Kirby, it allows you to
you gain a true appreciation for their
humble beginnings and the careers
forged in their own love’s labor.
Much like drawing comics them-
selves, Making Comics makes its sub-
ject matter approachable, easy to pick
up and quick to master.

THE GATEWAY ¢ volume XCVII number 17

MARIA
KOTOVYCH

If anyone out there wants to write a musical,
or any song for that matter, make sure that you
include a character named Maria. Even better,
make sure to name a song after her, and make
sure the name Maria is included in a promi-
nent line, like the refrain. But only do this if
you really want to annoy everyone you know
named Maria.

Some names just happen to show up in a lot
of movies and songs. I happen to have one of
those names. The Sound of Music. West Side
Story. Latin music. And as much as I'd like to
say this list is exhaustive, I regret that I can’t.

Let’s think about The Sound of Music. I love
that movie. I really do. And I’m sure at one time
I liked that song called “Maria.” Now, not so
much. You see, there is one line from that song
that everyone always takes the liberty to sing to
me: “How do you solve a problem like Maria?”
I'm wincing in agony and gritting my teeth
even as I type that.

Imagine being able to hear only one line from
a song, but none of the other lines. And now
imagine people singing that one line to you
again and again, broken record-style. And then
imagine watching these same people acting like
they are the first ones who ever noticed that the
person they are singing to shares a name with
the person in that song. Welcome to the prob-
lem facing Maria.

There are other interesting lyrics in that
song for those who desperately want to sere-
nade me, nun-style, call me a pain in the ass,
or simply grate on my nerves. I’m sure those
Mother Superior wanna-bes can delve into that
song and find some new lyrics to sing. Please,
anything but that refrain, (which I absolutely
refuse to re-write, by the way).

Now, thanks to all the closet Broadway stars
out there, | can probably sing parts of “Maria”
from West Side Story, even though I have never
heard an actual recording of the song, nor have
I ever seen the movie. However, being ser-
enaded from this musical is a bit better because
there isn’t one, but two prominent lines from
this song. One is “Maria, Maria!” and the other
one is “I’ve just met a girl named Maria!”

But one night last year, I wished that the

Wh y Northwestern?

We’re Passionate About Your Future

characters from West Side Story had just stuck to
their inter-group rivalry and kept their mouths
shut. I was at a formal dinner-and-dance event
put on by my ballroom dance club. I was all
decked out, the lights were dim, and I was float-
ing away to a nice, slow, lyrical waltz. Suddenly,
my dancing partner decided that this would be
a good time to blare “MARIA, MARIA!” right
into my ear!

It seemed to me that a lot of
the songs we danced to had a
“Maria” in them. I don’t speak
or understand Spanish, but I
could certainly understand
when a backup vocalist would
call: “Hey, Maria, Maria!”

in the middle of a song. The
distraction totally threw me
off my groove.

And speaking of dancing, a few years ago, |
was really into Latin dancing (salsa, meringue),
and my friends and I used to hit a Latin club at
least once a week. It seemed to me that a lot of
the songs we danced to had a “Maria” in them.
I don’t speak or understand Spanish, but I could
certainly understand when a backup vocalist
would call: “Hey, Maria, Maria!” in the middle
of a song. The distraction totally threw me off
my groove. So there I was on the dance floor,
mid-meringue with my partner, and I was
looking around like: “What? huh? Did some-
one call me?”

That dance must have looked sexy. Very, very
Sexy.

But the strangest comment about my name
that I’ve ever received was when someone asked
me if I’m Jesus’ mother. My friend was visit-
ing his parents, and I when I phoned him, his
father said that he wasn’t home. So I said, “Can
you please have him call Maria?” And what did
his father say? “Maria? Oh, are you the mother
of God?”

Thinking he was so clever, he laughed hys-
terically. But overcome with despair and rage,
I ripped the phone out of the wall, Hulk-style,
fell to my knees, and wailed “What have I done
to deserve this, God? Why me? Why?”

So please be kind to your friendly neighbour-
hood Maria, because if you're not part of the
solution, you're part of the problem.

In Natural Health Care!

“Northwestern Health Sciences University is committed to being
the nation’s university of choice in natural health care education.
Northwestern features an exceptional curriculum, outstanding
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opportunities for our students.”

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ARTS & ENTERTAINMENT = 13

Oh, Maria, Maria Downhill Jam takes

Yes, my name might be popular, but please, stop singing it to me

an unfortunate spill

Tony Hawk's Downhill Jam
Nintendo DS

Vicarious Visions

Activision

E for Everyone

REID BUCKMASTER
Arts & Entertainment Writer

Fool me once, shame on me. Fool me three
or more times and I must be a fucking idiot.
Vicarious Visions: stop ruining the games I
love. From back in the day when you wrecked
my Spider-Man games on the Nintendo 64, to
last week when you violated Tony Hawk on the
DS—again—you have been pretty consistent at
ruining other developers’ good work.

To explain this, Neversoft, the developers
that make the Tony Hawk skateboarding games
we've come to know and love, aren't actually
in charge of every Tony Hawk game out there.
There’s another lesser developer by the name of
Vicarious Visions that takes care of a lot of suc-
cessful games’ follow-ups and spin-offs, games
like Tony Hawk series, and they never quite
manage to get them right. In this case, VV has
been at the helm of the latest handheld itera-
tions of the recent Tony Hawk games and been
doing a pretty good job of taking a franchise
that’s easy to love and turning it into a chore
to play.

Downhill Jam is a perfect example of this
because, simply, Tony Hawk was never meant
to be a racing game. For all you Tony Hawk vet-
erans out there that remember the first game,
Tony Hawk’s Pro Skater, do you remember the
sub-par level that was actually called “Downhill
Jam?” The dam level? In Phoenix? Yeah, that’s
what this whole game is. It’s not the golden for-
mula of open-world skateboarding with side
goals thrown in—no, no. It’s pretty much the
SSX snowboarding games but on a skateboard,
and it really doesn’t transfer over well.

For one, the trick system just isn’t conducive
to the whole racing bit. It actually slows you
down, and you have to do it because it’s the
only way to fill up the boost meter—a meter
that basically does just that, allows you to boost
to catch up after tricking. There are also prob-
lems with the way combos work out—well,
namely, they don’t. The DS D-Pad just doesn’t
seem to be able to handle the quick input neces-
sary to come out of your 360 airwalk and into
your nose manual. It’s really the manuals that
are the issue because you need them to link

your combos together, and the DS only registers
the input for them maybe every second attempt,
so racking up big points is way tougher than it
should be.

The whole thing is packaged pretty oddly,
oo. The cut-scenes and all the in-game art have
his weird, kiddy, Fisher Price look to them
hat really kills the long running “cool” credit
he series has established. The sound is also a

t
i
t
t

hit-and-miss affair. Tony Hawk still can’t voice
act—no surprise—but at least there’s real voice
acting in the first place. The music is appropri-
ately energetic, but still manages to be really
boring since there are only about ten no-name
tracks in the game anyways, and you can really
only listen to them so many times until you start
playing with the volume off: Oh, and you'll also
want the volume off so you can avoid hearing
your skater tell you that he “got owned” over
and over after every time you make a sloppy
landing.

Put this all together with fugly graphics—
also known as muddy textures and really stiff
animation—and a storyline that’s bad, even for
a Tony Hawk game, and you've got yourself a
true waste of $35.

NOUN TAIN

SLASH IS A FORGE OF NATURE

At Gateway A&E, we strive to become the most seasoned of

film connoisseurs. Indeed, taking one look at this poster makes

me feel as though all of the cinematic criticism and training I've

undertaken has paid off, for nothing screams Oscar more than

Snape and Lupin expressing their true feelings for each other. If

you come volunteer for Gateway AXE (meetings Thursdays at
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GOLDEN BEARS & PANDAS SPORTS

YOUR UNIVERSITY
YOUR TEAMS |
YouR SEAT IS READY

U of A hosts the CIS Men’s Soccer National Championship
Thursday-Sunday, November 9-12

Golden Bears Hockey vs Regina
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Friday & Saturday, November 10 & 11 °6:30 & 8:00pm * Main Gym

492-BEAR / 451-8000 www.bears.ualberta.ca

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tuesday, 7 november, 2006

Swimming in a school of ska

Although Reel Big Fish are without a label, they're still a part of the in-crowd

Reel Big Fish

With Streetlight Manifesto, Suburban
Legends and Westbound Train
Friday, 10 November at 8pm

The Powerplant

BRYAN SAUNDERS
Arts & Entertainment Writer

After years of begging to be released
from the clutches of their former
production company, Reel Big Fish
finally got what they wanted. While
most bands would cry, OD, or vanish
into the deep blue if they lost their
contract, Reel Big Fish was so thrilled
that they were gasping for air.

“All a record company is supposed
to do is to get your record out and
provide publicity for you,” says Reel
Big Fish trumpeter John Christianson.
“TBut] over the ten years, the record
company wasn't doing anything. So
we were very happy to be off the
label, because we could do all the
work, and actually see money from
the record sales. All the things we’ve
always wanted to put out we can now
give to the fans, without delay, with-
out going through record company
approval and without doing demos
for the record company.”

Now about midway through their
autumn tour, dubbed the “Fall of
Ska,” Reel Big Fish took some time to
answer other important questions—

Weird Al Yankovic
Straight Out Of Lynwood
Way Moby/Volcano
www.weirdal.com

PHIL HEAD
Arts & Entertainment Staff

Straight out of Lynwood has the types

such as, does their tour name imply
that this fall season will be full of Ska
music, or are they suggesting that Ska
music is “flounder”-ing as a genre?

“All the things we've
always wanted to put
out we can now give to
the fans, without delay,
without going through
record company
approval and without
doing demos for the
record company.”

JOHN CHRISTIANSON

With enough warmth, happiness
and enthusiasm to nourish an entire
village of elementary school children,
Christianson is happy to explain.

“T don’t think [the genre of ska] has
‘gone’ anywhere,” he says. “I think
this is another wave, and we're riding
the crest of that wave.”

Riding the crest of waves is defi-
nitely a familiar pastime for the
group, especially since they’re based
in Orange County, California. And
while on the topic of weather—if we
can even say that the Fish can stay on

of songs we've come to expect from
Weird Al-—such as polka arrange-
ments of recent popular songs—but
despite the album’s familiar feel, it
can also easily be described as his best
release to date, for Al slowly continues
to improve on both his humour and
musical proficiency.

“Canadian Idiot’ alone is reason
enough to buy the album, if only for
the secret thrill we get when our exis-
tence ends up being acknowledged
by foreigners. Also, the fact that the
Chamillionaire parody “White and
Nerdy” has broken into the billboard
top ten attests to the overall quality of
this compilation.

While most famous for his paro-
dies, Straight out of Lynwood also fea-
tures original songs that showcase Al’s

one topic at a time—cChristianson
isn’t ashamed to state his fear of
autumn in Edmonton and the -12C
temperature.

“Holy shit! That’s really damn
cold,” Christianson tells his fellow
bandmates, who're scattered about
the room behind him, engaged in
various activities. Gasps and swears
of disbelief abound.

“Tm going to have to go shopping
for some warmer clothes,” he adds.

Surely a band called Reel Big Fish
has seen stranger things than snow,
though.

“Oh yeah, you know, we get a lot
of strange things to sign ... and we
actually signed a guy’s dead grand-
mother’s prosthetic leg. And that was
... really strange. Yeah ... ”

Reel Big Fish doesn’t seem to have
any real problem with people bring-
ing other people’s prosthetic limbs to
shows for autographs, though, and
things to do at Big Fish shows are just
as chaotic.

“Come to the shows to forget all
your problems, to relax, to have a
good time, to dance,” Christianson
says. “Do that at the shows, don’t be
afraid to dance, don’t be afraid to yell
and scream, and don’t be afraid to say
hi to us if you see us on the street.”

And the don'ts?

“Umm, don’t punch each other,”
Christianson concludes.

ability to channel disparate musical
influences. For instance, “Virus Alert”
brilliantly captures the feel of cheesy
*80s pop while simultaneously avoid-
ing being cheesy itself, and “Pancreas”
feels like a lost Beach Boys track.

Unfortunately, at nearly eleven
minutes, the R Kelly spoof “Trapped
In The Drive Through” drags on way
too long. Also, it’s a pity his parody
of James Blunt’s “You're beautiful”
wasn't included, due to a dispute with
Blunt’s record label.

And since “Don’t Download This
Song” isn’t enough of a warning
to fans about illegal downloading,
Lynwood comes as a dual disk packed
with videos, documentaries and other
goodies to get people to shell out their
clams for the genuine article.

THE GATEWAY ¢ volume XCVII number 17 COMICS 15

BITTEN by Robin Sissons

Pwo Ha Ha
Ha Hal!
That’s great!

STICKMAN by Jonn Gagnon
Hey Eriny wanns
Come ovet foc Some. Col, how S
Steaks 9 hot Set! Grek Gove”.

RENT-A-THUG by Jeff Martin

PT go, un, Conyor F
MW Exit, doce |
tan

giscovers a
Winkle in time

HERE ARE THOSE
SYMBIOTIC FUNGI AND

Nope , I'M +he
) Jonttor, Stop
7 aie on the

— en
== aS

Unbeknownst to Sarah, Dr Stravinsky had taken a lichen to her

16 GLASSIFIEDS

CLASSIFIEDS

To place a classified ad, please goto
www.campusclassifieds.ca

FOR RENT

Looking for a place to live? Check out www.
rentingspaces.ca to find your next home!
Hundreds of current listings throughout
Edmonton. A service of your Students’ Union.

Available 2 January. A Room in the St Joseph's
college residence, male only. Traditional
residence environment, open to all University
Students. Go to — http://www.ualberta.
ca/~stjoseph/residence/Fall_winter.html for

more information!

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“Holy crap look out for the guy with swords in him!”

“EVERY

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A valid drivers licene is required. Apply to
kim@acappella.ab.ca or fax 454.2748.

Study medicinein Europe. www.medical-school.
ca. canadmin@medical-school.ca

EMPLOYMENT - FULL TIME

Hudsons on campus is hiring for all postion.
Apply in person at 1113-87 Ave. Ask For Brett or
Jarrett. No experince needed.

The Ideal Student Job. Hughes Car Wash/Gas
Station is hiring flexible weekend and weekday
station attendants at our various locations in
Edmonton. We are the industries best paying
employer. Apply at any location, or e-mail
resumé to hr@hughespetroleum.com. www.
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EASCA is looking for part-timers who want

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Sales help required wine & beer making supply
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great environment.Bring resumé to Southside
Brew Crew 5718-111 St Edm

tuesday, 7 november, 2006

Cultural Connections Institute - The Learning
Exchange is looking for volunteers to teach
English as a Second Language to adult
newcomers to Canada. Orientation and
training is provided. Morning, afternoon, and
evening shifts available. Call 944-0792

We are currently seeking a permanent
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THE GATEWAY

volume XCVII number 17 ¢ the official student newspaper at the university of alberta « www.gateway.ualberta.ca « tuesday, 7 november, 2006

i ae
ASHLEY SCARLETT

NEW TUITION KEEPS STUDENTS WISHIN' Behind these pillars, the Tories forged a new tuition policy that was heralded by some, but panned by others.

Macleans rankings | Golden Bears mugged on Whyte Ave
low on U of As list ses

NATALIE CLIMENHAGA

Senior News Editor

In the shadow of a boycott by over
half of the 47 universities it was evalu-
ating, Maclean’s magazine released the
results of its 16th annual university
rankings survey on 2 November.

But even with the University of
Alberta coming in first place in the
reputation rankings and sixth place in
the medical-doctoral category, skep-
ticism on campus surrounding the
ranking remains.

“T think [this year’s] Maclean’s rank-
ings is another ranking where the mag-
azine has attempted to try and collect
information and produce an outcome
that they believe is valid. [But] as far
as we're concerned it’s really a very
poorly constructed ranking—which
is the reason why we refused to send
them any data,” U of A President Indira
Samarasekera said.

On 14 August, the U of A together
with ten other universities sent a joint
letter signed by the university presi-
dents to Maclean’s magazine indi-
cating they wouldn’t participate in
filling out the required questionnaire
used to compile the annual university

Inside

News 1-4
Opinion 5-7
Sports 8-10
A&E 11-13
Comics 15

Classifieds 16

rankings, stating they felt the meth-
odology was statistically unreliable,
oversimplified and arbitrary. Later,
more universities joined the protest,
bringing the total to 26.

“As far as we're
concerned it’s
really a very poorly
constructed ranking
—which is the reason
why we refused to send
them any data.”

INDIRA SAMARASEKERA,
UOF A PRESIDENT

But Tony Keller, managing editor of
special projects at Maclean's, explained
that, though universities were vocally
critical in the past, since the release of
this year’s rankings he hasn't attrac-
tively sought feedback.

“I’s not like I've been phoning
people. I’m not going around canvass-
ing the university opinion section,”
Keller said.

PLEASE SEE MACLEANS ¢ PAGE 3

OPINION, PAGE7

Elephants and donkeys!

Our ad hoc panel of experts wade
through the mud-slinging to bring you
the most offensive election-time ads

PAUL OWEN
Sports Editor

A pair of victories for the Golden Bears
basketball team this weekend has been
overshadowed by a violent attack on
a pair of their recruits—CG Morrison
and Gary Pelton.

Morrison and Pelton were walk-
ing home after a night at the bar
on 31 October when Pelton’s shoe
came undone and he stopped to tie
it. Morrison continued walking and,
according to Bears head coach Don
Horwood, a white car pulled up to him
and a man jumped out and demanded
his wallet before attacking him.

Pelton—a freshman who is redshirt-
ing while he deals with knee inju-
ries—ran to Morrison’s rescue and was
accosted by three more men who got
out of the car. He was put in a choke-
hold and had a gun waved in his face.

“Gary was really shaken up psycho-
logically from what had happened,”
Horwood said. “CG didn’t seem to be
as psychologically affected as Gary, but
he obviously has more wounds.”

Morrison’s right eye was swollen
shut and he suffered some concussion
symptoms. Despite being the team’s
projected starting point guard, the
injuries kept him out of play in the
Bears’ 84-76 win over Thompson
Rivers on Friday night and their 92-59

Ambivalence prevails with new tuition policy

Student leaders and
politicians debate
merits of tuition plan

CHLOE FEDIO
Managing Editor

In February 2005, Premier Ralph Klein
pledged in a televised address that
Alberta would have the most afford-
able tuition in the country, but after
632 days of waiting, the announce-
ment of the new tuition policy is get-
ting mixed reviews.

On Friday, Minister of Advanced
Education Denis Herard revealed that
the ministry would continue to use the
2004/05 levels of tuition as a starting
point and that further tuition increases
would be tied to the Consumer Price
Index. Students in Alberta have been
paying tuition at the 2004/05 levels for
the past two years, as the government
has been providing rebates directly to
institutions in order to buffer the cost
of their fee increases.

“What you had there was the tip of
the iceberg, not everything that’s below
the water,” Herard said on Monday.

PLEASE SEE TUITION ¢ PAGE 2
ALSO READ FREHNER ON PAGE6

MIKEOTTO

BRUISED BUT NOT BEATEN Attack won't keep Bear out of the game for long.

victory against UCFV Saturday. The
games would have been the first as
a Golden Bear for the transfer from
Camosun College.

“Tt was tough [not to play], but
I'm glad it’s over with and I’m just
looking forward to getting better,”

Morrison said.
While Pelton had some lower back
pain and a bit of a headache and
Morrison’s face was badly bruised and
swollen, Horwood’s main concern
was for the two players’ mental states.
PLEASE SEE MUGGED ¢ PAGE9

Of love and war

Studio Theatre's latest production
The Double Inconstancy stirs up the
comedic nature of unrequited love.

A&E, PAGE 11

2 NEWS

THE GATEWAY | Reactions to tuition &

tuesday, 7 november, 2006
volume XCVII number 17

Published since 21 november, 1910
Circulation 12 000
ISSN 0845-356X

Suite 3-04
Students’ Union Building
University of Alberta
Edmonton, Alberta
T6G 257

Telephone 780.492.5168
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eic@gateway.ualberta.ca | 492.5168

MANAGINGEDITOR Chloé Fedio
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THE GATEWAY is published by the
Gateway Student Journalism Society
(GSJS), a student-run, autonomous,
apolitical not-for-profit organization,
operated in accordance with the
Societies Act of Alberta

THE GATEWAY is proud to

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complaints

Comments, concerns, or complaints about the
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All materials appearing in the Gateway bear copyright

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The Gateway is created using Macintosh computers,
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The Manitoban is the Gateway’s sister paper, and we
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games of choice are Highway 16 Speed Challenge and
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contributors

Catherine Scott, Derek Larson, Kristina De Guzman,
Elizabeth Vail, Reid Buckmaster, Jonn Kmech, Kelsey
Tanasiuk, Bryan Saunders, Phil Head, Graeme Head,
Conal Pierse, Ramin Ostad, Patrick Ross, Paul Knoechel,
Liv Vors, Robin Sissons, Jeff Martin, Marie-Annick Jean,
Fraser Tingle, Chris O'Leary, Nick Frost, Boris Korby,
Janelle Sloychuk, Lauren Stieglitz, Ashley Scarlett, Josh
Staav, Erinne Fenwick, June Huynh

policy a mixed bag

TUITION # CONTINUED FROM PAGE 1

Herard explained that there are details
to be announced that will make a more
comprehensive affordability package.

“When you add up all of the initia-
tives that were undertaking for our next
budget, we will be the most affordable,
innovative and the best support system
in the country,” he said.

But Dave Cournoyer, Students’
Union Vice-President (External) at
the University of Alberta, said that the
policy is simply “an endorsement of
the status quo when it comes to the up-
front cost of an education.”

“Most of the stuff that we advocated
for was not included in this policy,”
said Cournoyer, who is also the Chair of
Council of Alberta University Students.
“Tr’s not actually dealing with the issue
of affordability for students, which is
disappointing after we've were prom-
ised again and again that we'd be pleas-
antly surprised.”

But Herard said that the policy does
fulfill Klein’s promise and that he wants
to sit down with student leaders to go
over the details.

“Tm just really anxious for the stu-
dents to understand that what they saw
was just part of the picture and quite
frankly, I don’t blame them for being
somewhat disappointed because if you
don’t have the whole picture, then that
happens,” Herard said.

Still, not all student leaders criticized
the new policy, as Athabasca University’s
Students’ Union applauded the govern-
ment in a 6 November press release.

“One item that was not specifically
requested by AUSU, which we are
delighted to see in the new policy, is
the requirement that universities and
the government must consult with
students groups—who are, after all,
those most affected by the policy—
before making any changes,” the press
release said.

But since the passing of Bill 40 in
May, which took tuition out of leg-
islation and put it into regulation,
Cournoyer suggested that the govern-
ment could make changes in closed-
door meetings,
student input.

Raj Pannu, New Democrat MLA for
Edmonton-Strathcona, said that the
government already conceded that
tuition fee levels “were intolerably

high” by freezing the fees for the past

cabinet without

two years, and that increasing upon the
2004/05 levels was “disappointing”

“To use that as a benchmark and start
increasing the fees even beyond that
makes no sense,” Pannu said, who is
the NDP critic for advanced education.
“Alberta students will be paying more
in tuition fees as this new formula is
implemented.”

However, Herard explained that
though student leaders wanted the
ministry to roll back tuition to 2000/01
levels, sucha step would have prevented
other reforms to the system.

“We're looking at how we can get the
best bang for our dollar and help stu-
dents in the most effective way dealing
with all of the challenges that we have
in our student system plan,” he said,
adding that the ministry is currently
working with the federal government
to change some regulations.

Carl Amrhein, U of A Provost, said
it’s important to keep in mind that the
government has “provided all of the
funding to the universities that they
promised,” and that students have paid
frozen rates for the past two years.

“The elected student leaders will
always argue that the government could
have done more—and that’s a political
decision—but the government has, in
Alberta, shifted a least a little bit [of] the
burden back to the taxpayer and away
from the student,’ Amrhein said. “I
think this is exciting news and certainly
moving in a helpful direction.”

Amrhein said that tying the increase
to CPI, which amounts to about 3.3 per
cent, was no surprise, since the minis-
try had hinted at those numbers for a
while. Still, he was pleasantly surprised
that the government has guaranteed to
continue to buffer the cost of increases
that exceed 3.3 per cent for the next
three years—$136 million in addi-
tional funding.

The “Affordability Framework for
Post-secondary Education,’ released
along with the announcement also
stated that it will reduce eligibility
barriers to increase access to the stu-
dent finance system, in an effort to
recognize education costs that extend
beyond tuition. However, Cournoyer
said that access to greater financing
makes it easier for students to accumu-
late higher debt.

“T feel this is a step in the wrong
direction,” Cournoyer said.

tuesday, 7 november, 2006

KRYSTINA SULATYCKI

PLEASED PROVOST Carl Armhein is pleased with Alberta's new tuition policy.

TIMELINE

January 2005—then-minister — of
advanced education Dave Hancock
began consultations to review post-
secondary education.

February 2005—Premier Ralph Klein
promised Albertans in a televised
address that the province would have
he most affordable tuition policy in
he country.

June 2005—the A Learning Alberta
eview began, headed bya1/-member
Steering Committee, who undertook
he task of a comprehensive postsec-
ondary education review.

ovember 2005—the Alberta
Learning review brought together
250 postsecondary education lead-
ers to discuss the ongoing review.

Pannu echoed these statements.

“By simply increasing the loan limits,
the government has simply allowed debt
loads to go up,” Pannu said. “What the
government needed to do was change
its fiancing policies to shift the focus
from loans to forgivable grants upon the
completion of a program.”

With the Progressive Conservative
leadership race in full swing, Cournoyer
said a new lobbying strategy will have
to wait, and that the SU and CAUS will
continue to pressure the government to
follow through on Klein’s promise.

“This is the kind of policy that should

Hancock suggested that the tuition
policy would be announced in the
spring of 2006.

April 2006—Dave Hancock resigned
rom his post as minister to run in
he Progressive Conservative leader-
ship race and was replaced by Denis
Herard.

ay 2006—the government suc-
cessfully passed Bill 40, which took
uition out of legislation and put it into
egulation.

Herard suggested the policy would
be announced in September 2006.

On Friday, 3 November, Minister
Herard announced the new tuition
policy.

have been implemented 15 years ago,
before tuition at the University of
Alberta saw the massive increases that it
did—with the 300 per cent increases,”
Cournoyer said.

According to Statistics Canada, the
average cost of tuition in Alberta during
the 1990/91 academic year was $1286,
which was below the national aver-
age of $1464. Tuition fees in Alberta
for the 2006/07 academic year are
$4828, compared to the national aver-
age of $4347. Québec students paid the
lowest tuition in the country this year
at $1916.

STREETERS

Former president of Iraq, Saddam Hussein, was sentenced to death on 5 November, for poison gas
attacks on Kurdish peoples.

Do you support the use of the death penalty for war criminals?

Megan Davis
Science III

Yes | do..Mainly because [Saddam
Hussein] basically killed a lot of other
people, so | think the only fair retaliation
is that he be put to death.

aa Brock
x. =a Richardson
*% Poli Sci Ill

| just think that in the particular case of
Saddam Hussein, that the court that has
been set up there by the Americans is
about as valid as one of Mick McGeough’'s
calls.

<4 8 Graham Connolly
Arts IV

Yes, | do in certain cases. If it's a fair and
reasonable trial that’s approved of by the
people that they oppressed.

Compiled and photographed by Kelsey Tanasiuk and Junette Huynh

Farzad
Khoshandangoli
Sciences IV

I'd say absolutely because being as he
committed so many atrocious crimes
against the Kurds and the lranians using
poisonous gas, absolutely.

THE GATEWAY ¢ volume XCVII number 17

NEWS 3

Critics call for federal-run evaluations vite 6 5 F24\ fi te

Samarasekera says that Maclean's university rankings are statistically
unreliable, as others call for the creation of nation-wide evaluation methods

MACLEAN'S ¢ CONTINUED FROM PAGE 1

Back in August. criticism coming
from representatives at Alberta’s three
main universities concerned the way
the magazine calculated university
entrance grades, weighted at about
eleven per cent out of the assessed
categories, and which they felt made
Alberta entrance grades seem lower
because of different percentage points
used for As.

“T don’t actually think there’s a lot
of significance to [the results]. I think
Maclean’s went ahead and just did
what it normally would have done
otherwise,” Students’ Union President
Sam Power said.

Keller explained that in order to
evaluate those universities who had
decided not to participate, Maclean's
used publicly available data.

“A lot of stuff you can get from third
party sources,” Keller said.

However, Power said the rankings
do little to tell universities where they
really stand, as some of the data was
a year old, and added that the federal
government needs to look at how uni-
versities can be evaluated on a national
scale.

Samarasekera agreed with Power in
advocating for the establishment of a
national evaluation system, stating
that the existence of an organization
responsible for looking at the perfor-
mance of universities would better
serve students and faculty.

“We would be very interested in
participating in that kind of standard-
ized set of metrics that could be cap-
tured,” Samarasekera said.

“One of the problems with the
Maclean's ranking is they don’t audit
the data, so different universities may
be sending data that is not gathered in
the same way and therefore not com-
parable,” Samarasekera said, adding
that she worried some universities
may be even undertaking “gaming,”
in other words adjusting their data so
they look better.

And in a paper released yesterday
by the Educational Policy Institute, a
Toronto-based think tank, they advo-
cated for the creation of a national

unified method of evaluating schools.

“Our purpose for looking at this is
not particularly based on university
accountability, our purpose for look-
ing at this is just to be able to create
a reasonably useful set of data,” Alex
Usher from the Educational Policy
Institute said.

Usher also noted that universities
put out enormous amounts of data,
but not every institution collects it in
the same way.

“Tn my mind, if people had enough
data people could create whatever
rankings they wanted,” Usher said.

But Keller stressed that if universi-
ties are unhappy with the Maclean’s
rankings methodology they're always
welcome to help the magazine develop

a stronger model, rather than boycott
participation.

And while Samarasekera noted she
isn’t a great promoter of Maclean's
rankings, she also said she was pleased
to see the U of A come first in the
national reputation category.

“T think there’s huge improvements
needed for those ranking to be more
meaningful, [but] having said that we
were very pleased with the national
reputation survey,’ Samarasekera
said. “That was good news, it means
that people are increasingly becom-
ing aware of the high quality of a
University of Alberta education. And
that will help us attract some of the
best students from Alberta, Canada
and the world to come to the U of A.”

Usher further pointed out the con-
troversy surrounding the reliability
of the Maclean’s rankings has sparked
constructive debate.

“T think there’s a willingness to
talk about the issue that was not there
even six months ago,” Usher said. “If
there’s one thing that the Maclean's
[rankings controversy] did is it made
institutions aware of the difficulties
in inter-institution comparisons that
exists.”

With the launch of this year’s uni-
versity issue, Maclean’s has also rede-
signed its website to allow users to
now create their own ranking using a
customized evaluation of the data col-
lected in the survey.

High marks for Globe and Mail survey

SCOTT LILWALL
Deputy News Editor

The Globe and MaiPs University
Report Card, released in late October,
has already received the passing
grade from the Administration at the
University of Alberta.

“The Globe and Mail [report] is
becoming a very useful piece of infor-
mation because they’re very clear, they
deal with only undergrad students on
issues related to undergrad education,”
said Carl Amrhein, U of A Provost. “So
it’s crisp—it’s pure in that sense.”

The fifth edition of the annual
University Report Card, which was
complied using survey results from
nearly 33 000 undergraduate students
across Canada, gave a letter grade to
various instructions for a number of
categories, including overall satisfac-
tion, food service, and availability
of faculty members outside of class.
The grading system was designed to
help prospective students make an
informed decision when applying to
postsecondary institutions.

“T hope it has some impact,”
Simon Beck, editor of the University
Report Card, in an e-mail sent to
the Gateway.
be the only resource university

said

“T’s not meant to

applicants should use, but a com-
plement to other more traditional
sources of information.”

The study assigned a letter grade
for over 60 different categories,
with the scores based off of the aver-
age response of students from those
institutions. Beck explained that the
grading system was used in place of
traditional ranking systems because
it provided a better understanding
of what the institutions offered to
students.

“The old method did not take into
account differences in size between
schools, and was misleading in that
there was not often a big statistical
difference between schools that were
placed high or lower in each ranking.
We switched to a letter grading system
in 2004, which is much more reflective
of the actual survey results and a better
guide for the reader,” Beck said.

In this year’s issue, the U of A
scored top marks for its academic
reputation and the personal safety
of its students, with an A for both.
Lower marks were given for other
areas, with Cs in both student resi-
dences and on-campus employment
opportunities. Armhein says that the
information contained in the rank-
ings has an impact on how the U of A

views itself and what plans it makes
for its future.

“We take very seriously the infor-
mation contained in the Report Card,
especially relative to other universities.
For example, class size and advising
[are things] we clearly need to worry
about,” Armhein said. “We look at
these things as we work with the stu-
dents and work through the budgets.”

Beck also believes that the Globe
and Mail’s university reports, and
others like it, have had an effect on
the way that universities do business
and what areas they focus on.

“T think there is now a huge drive
by universities to improve the stu-
dent experience and make campus life
much more enjoyable for their cus-
tomers. I think this is partly because
our Report Card brought the issue to
light in the first place. Our survey made
it clear that issues such as huge class
sizes and lack of interaction between
faculty and students was marring the
student experience, especially in the
larger institutions. Now, these are
issues every university is addressing,”
Beck concluded.

A full report of all of the grades
for the U of A and other universities
across the country can be found at
www.globeandmail.com

THE RATE STUFF

While both the Globe and Mail and
Macleans.ca rated Canada’s universi-
ties, the methods used by the two were
quite different. The Globe and Mail sur-
veyed students and assigned a letter
grade for each category. Maclean's
spoke to current students, university
officials, guidance counsellors and cor-
porate CEOs, assigning each university
a place compared to other institutions.
Here's how Alberta stacks up to the
rest.

Globe and Mail University Report Card

Category Grade
Faculty’s knowledge of subjects A
Tolerance for diverse opinions A-
Attractiveness of campus B+
Health Services B
Quality of teaching B
School spirit B-
Class sizes Cr
Needs-based scholarships Cc
Food Services &

Macleans.ca University Ranking Too!

Category Ranking
Reputational survey Is

Faculty with PhDs 2nd
Student awards 5th
Library holdings per student 6th
Medical research grants 9th
Operating Budget oth
Alumni support 2\st
Proportion of graduates 24th
Student retention 28th

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(dubious) talent (in bed), to stop washing one's own hair
(and possibly to stop bathing entirely), start wearing
manpris, untie one's shoes and skank all over the place.

FACT: The verb "Gateway" is to latch onto a student
newspaper's awesomeness, while offering less and less of
your (dubious) academic talent (in university), to stop going
to class (and possibly to stop studying entirely), start eating
far too many RATT-burgers, playing with dinosaurs and
drinking all over the place.

GATEWAY NEWS

Turning students into vagabonds since 1910.

Meetings: Fridays, 3pm, 3-04 SUB

tuesday, 7 november, 2006

Forum tackles issue of sex and civics

Roundtable discussed important challenges to women in the political world

CATHERINE SCOTT

News Writer

With the departure of Alana Delong—
the only female candidate—from the
Alberta Progressive Conservative lead-
ership race, and the current contro-
versy surrounding the ongoing row
between Belinda Stronach and Peter
MacKay, issues of gender and poli-
tics have been on the minds of many
Albertans; and a recent roundtable
discussion was held at the University
of Alberta to address those topics.

The event took place at Lister
Conference Centre on 2 November and
included appearances by City Councillor
Kim Krushell, former deputy prime
minister Anne McLellan, and MLAs
Delong and Laurie Blakeman.

Janet Buckmaster, the coordinator
for the One Woman One Vote Program
which organized the event, says that it
is held every three years and is timed to
correspond with upcoming elections.

“The reason that we're doing this
present roundtable in November
2006 is that we have municipal elec-
tions coming up in October 2007,
and we're likely to have a provincial
and possibly a federal election, prob-
ably within the next 18 months,”
Buckmaster said.

She views it as a means of support for
women who are interested in running
for public office. She also noted that
although women make up more than

half of the country’s population, they’re
vastly under-represented in politics.
According to Buckmaster, while
women make up 52 per cent of
Canada’s total population, 29 per
cent of the members of the House of
Commons are female. The numbers
are even lower in Alberta, where 15
per cent of the Legislature is made
up of women despite the fact that the
province’s population is split nearly
equally between the two genders.

“T thought what a
great way to become
more inspired
myself, and [seeing]
a group of women
with like interests is

encouraging,

AMY BARBER,
POLITICAL SCIENCE PHD CANDIDATE

The women in the room shared
their thoughts on gender and politics
and what it means to be a female in
public office.

Phyllis Kobasiuk, Mayor of Parkland
County, doesn’t believe that gender
has much to do with anybody’s suc-
cess in politics. She stated that whether
you're a man or a woman in politics,
you've got to have confidence.

“T think you feel confident by
being prepared, knowing your stuff,
and [being] able to understand what
that community wants and expects
from you,” Kobasiuk said.

Backgrounds varied among the
women who attended the event, but
they all shared a common eagerness to
speak to the elected female representa-
tives. Topics discussed included balanc-
ing personal and public life, having a
supportive spouse and how to deal with
comments made by male politicians,
how to get a start in politics. Political
science PhD candidate Amy Barber was
among those that attended the event.

“T believe strongly in issues in
gender politics and increasing the
number of women in politics. I
thought, what a great way to become
more inspired myself, and [seeing] a
group of women with like interests is
encouraging,” Barber noted.

“You don’t know that it’s out there
until you see something like this and
feel the collective strength,” she added.

The intention of the event was
to provide women with support to
get involved with politics. Running
for office may seem like an over-
whelming task for most women, but
according to Barber, attending the
One Woman One Vote roundtable
helped make the challenge more
manageable.

“It seems more tangible now,”
Barber affirmed.

JOSH STAAV
THREE TIMES THE FUN Wharton's book, The Perilous Realm, is just the first in a planned trilogy of fantasy novels.

Uof A Profs fantasy trilogy now a reality

DEREK LARSON

News Writer

Whether recounting the tales of
dragons or rings, magicians or other-
worldly realms, children’s fantasy lit-
erature has been enjoying enormous
popularity in recent years. And now
University of Alberta creative writ-
ing professor Thomas Wharton will
be venturing into this popular genre
with his own fantasy trilogy.

Wharton has already written the
first book of his trilogy, and is eagerly
awaiting its 2008 publication from
Doubleday Canada.

“Tt’s called The Perilous Realm,”
Wharton said. “It’s the story of a boy
running away from his problems,
and he finds himself in this strange
world, and discovers it’s the world
where all the stories come from.”

Wharton, an author with three pub-
lished books of fiction already to his
credit, 1995’s Icefields, Salamander in
2001, and Logogryph, released just
last year, found writing for the fan-
tasy genre difficult at times.

“At a certain point I had a

manuscript, and I thought it was
done,” Wharton explained. But upon
re-examining the book, Wharton
realized that he needed to do more,
and wound up incorporating several
new ideas.

“Theyre about what I
like to call the alchemy
of reading, Strange
things happen when
a book and a reader
come together.”

THOMAS WHARTON,
U OF A CREATIVE WRITING PROF

Wharton, who also teaches several
creative writing classes, said that he
uses the energy and inspiration of his
students to help with his writing.

“[Teaching] is a way for me to
articulate and get back in touch with
the basics of writing, because they
never really change. I’ve written sev-
eral books, but I still have to sit down

every day, and face the page, and
make decisions ... and that’s a thing
that any writer, whether they're a
beginning writer or not always faces,”
Wharton said

Wharton went on to say that much
of his inspiration for the craft comes
from his students.

“They’re really full of energy about
writing. They’re really committed to
it, and they’re interested in it,” he
said.

Wharton explained that he has
wanted to write a fantasy story since
he was a child, and, now that he
has children of his own, he has the
desire to write something that they
can read.

His love of fantasy even surfaced in
some of his previous books of fiction,
including Salamander, about a printer
inthe 18th Century trying to print an
infinite book, and Logogryph, a col-
lection of short stories about reading.

“They're about what I like to call
the alchemy of reading,” Wharton
said. “Strange things happen when
a book and a reader come together,”
Wharton said.

OPINION

A picture of police
brutality is worth
a thousand words

YOU’VE SEEN THE PHOTOS: A YOUNG WOMAN,
handcuffed, receiving a “head stun,” and then being
pushed to the ground by a cop. The series of images

is shocking and, one would assume, incriminating.
However, the Crown prosecutor’s office says the police
officer in question should not be charged. According
to the 2 November edition of the Edmonton Journal,
“Chief Calgary prosecutor Gordon Wong said a review
of the case determined that there was not a reasonable
likelihood of a conviction that the use of force was
excessive.” Ultimately the decision to press criminal
charges lies with police Chief Michael Boyd.

The woman’s lawyer was also quoted as saying that
“the pictures speak for themselves. What’s going on
here is a stretch to avoid charging police officers. ... My
concern is that we are sending a message to our police
department that if someone, verbally, without being
aggressive, is being impolite, then police have an open
ticket to get violent with that individual.”

We don't know exactly what happened before the
photos were taken or who said what to whom. There
are, however, two things we do know: that the woman
in question sustained soft tissue injuries, a concussion
and broken teeth, among other injuries; and that the
events depicted in the photographs actually occurred.
But the point should not be that we have a picture of
a woman being hit. The point should be that the cop
in question was using excessive force—an issue that’s
come up several times in the past as well.

Take, for instance, the Canada Day riots of 2001.
With so much vandalism and so few arrests, police
went to the media asking them to publish pictures
of suspects, apparently in hopes that public shaming
would make their jobs easier. They all refused, though
EPS did end up posting pictures on their website.

Photos can be deceiving. They can be taken at such
an angle as to obscure a detail or deceive the viewer as
to the subject’s intent. The angle may be unusual or the
perspective skewed. A sequence of photographs allows
us to interpolate a sequence of events with relative cer-
tainty. It’s therefore difficult to argue with a sequence
of images that are taken in such a fashion as to show,
without distortion, the events that came to pass.

Naturally there are other questions that arise. What
if the pictures had never been taken? Would we still
be discussing this case? And where does this leave
photographers and the media—are we slowly going
to become their eyes and ears on the streets?

There’s a major disconnect taking place here. With
the Whyte Avenue riots, we saw press photos being
used in an attempt to find wrongdoers from images
in which it may or may not be clear what exactly the
individuals are doing. With the more recent inci-
dent, Chief Crown prosecutor Wong is saying that
“the photographs do not tell the entire story of that
night. They only give us a few split seconds of what
occurred between the police officer and the lady.”

It is human nature to protect our own, but police
have to be accountable to the public as well as
themselves. The EPS lists as its core values: integrity,
accountability and respect, and for them to be selec-
tive as to when they rely on photographic evidence is
hypocritical at best.

KRYSTINA SULATYCKI
Photo Editor

It's Saddam shame

So, two days before the Republicans were to face

the music in the congressional elections, Saddam
Hussein’s trial comes to a sudden and decisive head-
lopping end. It’s important to keep in mind at this
point that displacing tyrannical leaders and “freeing
the people’ was not why the US went into Iraq in the
first place, nor is it why they’re there now. Hussein
terrorized his own people with impunity for years,
and his recent removal, the one circumstantial bonus
in America’s miserable campaign, should not be con-
fused with upright global justice.

ADAM GAUMONT
Opinion Editor

LETTERS

Prusakowski fails to
tackle issue, receivers

| would like to convey to you the dis-
appointment and absolute embar-
rassment | feel towards the Gateway
in allowing the publication of Ross
Prusakowski's classless and insen-
sitive commentary on the downfall
of the Bears Football season (re:
“QBs football team’s weakest Linke,”
31 October). The inability of your
staff to conjure respectful, insightful
and constructive opinions regarding
Ss
p

ruggling elements of our Athletics
ogram is concerning.
| fail to see the value of isolating
one member of a varsity team as the
sole reason for a losing season [and]
referring to his name in the title of
the article as the weakest element
he organization. You and your
aff have definitely crossed the line
commentary and slander, and if
ou fail to distinguish the meaning
these terms, perhaps journalism is
ot your strongest suit.
What is disturbing is Mr
Prusakowski’s lack of tact, poise
and simple understanding of a team
game. Which is even more astonish-
ing being that, at his request some
time ago, Mr Prusakowski was
allowed to dress and practice with
the team in order for him to gain a
unique perspective of the game.
Clearly he failed to notice the other
64 players on the field and that each
and every player on that team con-
ributes to a win or loss.
At this level of amateur athletics,
one player cannot and should not
be sourced publicly as the disap-
pointment of an entire season. If
hat line of thinking was suctioned
elsewhere, it would be equally poi-
gnant to say that Mr Prusakowski
has single-handedly corrupted the
validity of the Gateway by display-
ing, with clarity, that your organiza-
ion is more interested in political
gimmickry than supporting and fos-
ering a healthy campus attitude.
| sincerely hope that in the future
you show a sense of restraint when
publishing articles that are insult-
ing and demeaning to an individual's
efforts. Further, | urge you to focus
on your responsibility to your readers
and realize that your comments can
be inappropriate and disrespectful.

abaoM OY OO

NEIL PARASYNCHUK

President
University Athletics Board

Dekes only temporarily
fucked up, Berry

Being a University of Alberta alum-
nus, working professional, and active
volunteer at the University of Alberta,
| regret to have picked up an article
of your Gateway this week. The
article, entitled “A Different Kind of
Show” (31 Octoben, was difficult to
consume considering the insulting
content directed towards the Delta
appa Epsilon Men's Fraternity, a fra-
ernity which | am an alumnus of.

The “eternal fuckups” as mentioned
inthis article are personal friends, col-
eagues, and associates of mine and
are among some of the most brilliant
eaders in their chosen fields, which
ange from politics, business, law,
engineering and medicine. The “eter-
nal fuckups” support charity efforts
at the University of Alberta and in

Edmonton, including YES, Food for
Thought, The Cross Cancer Institute,
and others. The “eternal fuckups”
consist of some of the hardest-work-
ing students, who hold distinctions
with the University. Your insulting
article is deplorable, given it miscon-
strues details and insults our broad
membership in a personal way.
Asastudent at the University many
years ago, | enjoyed and prided mysel
on being part of the Gateway team.
Standards have certainly dropped
since then, when the paper resorts to
such journalism. Improperly sourced
photographs, misrepresentation, and
outright defamation are not activities
| would expect from the Gateway.
would be interested to find out wha
ethical standards the Students’ Union
holds the Gateway to, when it par
takes in such journalism. Further,
would be interested to find out how
The University of Alberta Alumni
Association and Students’ Union
feels when alumni of the University
read such content. | appreciate an
entertaining article, but there are
standards and limits.

JORJ SAYDE

Alumnus

Frat feature doesn’t help
Dekes’ image one iota

| can’t help but to be offended by
your article. | ama Deke, and while |
can understand some of your points,
| believe the degree of slandering
you've just dealt out was uncalled
for. So | am writing to you to clarify
some points that you've obviously
misunderstood.
The jumpsuits were not guarding
the maze, they are placed there to go
over the simple rules and to take your
lighters and smokes away to prevent
fire hazards. Anyone is allowed in the
maze but we “guard” it to make sure
everyone is safe.

There were three options there

opinion@gateway.ualberta.ca « tuesday, 7 november, 2006

Ano | wou’ve Goren away
WITH IT TOO IF IT WEREN'T FOR THOSE

or your drinking pleasure. For the
irst time ever we allowed a new
company to serve vodka coolers.
Yes the marketing rep was a Deke
rom the United States, [but] we do
have a rep [from] Bigrock and so you
could have opted for legendary Deke
Punch (which obviously you didn’
ike) or keg beer.

When the police come to ou
house it is to check up on things,
we contact them and allow them to
walk through our parties, again fo
everyone's safety.

I'd advise you check out the web-
site @www.uofadekes.org) and ge
some real insight from our socia
chair before continuing to misrepre-
sent facts. | could critique your poo
grammar and writing style but hey
I'm a science student what do | know
about your literary genius.

RYAN HANSEN
Deke

Bus beats biking in
winter months

| would like to thank Rob Found and
Chris Young for valiantly sticking up
for my rights as a fellow cyclist—
assuming they actually ride bikes
(re: “Students’ Union puts U, one S in
‘useless,”” 26 October; “U-Pass not
so Universal,” 31 October). | guess |
have the right to bike for an hour-plus
every day throughout the winter in
extreme temperatures and on dan-
gerous roads. | guess | also have the
ight to pay $300-plus for bus passes
during those winter months if | decide
iding my bike is too much effort.
How can you both assume that all
people who walk or bike will continue
o do so during the winter? Have you
checked out the bike racks lately? Do
youalso think that people who walk or
bike will only live and travel in a con-
ined area of Edmonton, never ven-
uring further than their two feet can
ake them? Even when | lived closer

CONAL PIERSE

to the university (a 15-minute walk) |
still found myself regularly travelling
across town. A U-Pass would have
saved me money. | expected to see
letters from people who drive com-
plaining about the potential U-Pass
fee, not people who walk and bike!
For $75 dollars, unlimited bus/train
travel anywhere in the city is a pretty
decent deal, no matter what your cur-
rent form of transportation is.
It seems that | am part of your so-
called minority, yet | disagree with
you! Am | alone, or is it possible that
maybe not all people who walk and
bike feel that the U-Pass will oppress
hem? While riding a bike is great
or the environment and for per-
sonal health (although promoting it
as the only needed form of exercise
is absurd), not everyone can ride a
bicycle, for a multitude of reasons
including physical ability. Something
silly like a mandatory bike-purchase/
maintenance fee would simply
oppress an even smaller minority
group who are physically unable to
ride a bike—great idea Mr Found!
Maybe the next time the two of
you decide to stick up for someone
else’s rights you should think things
through a little more carefully.

CHRISTOPHER LANGLOIS
Arts IV

Letters to the editor should be
dropped off at room 3-04 of the
Students’ Union Building, or e-mailed
to letters @gateway.ualberta.ca.

The Gateway reserves the right
to edit letters for length and clar-
ity, and to refuse publication of any
letter it deems racist, sexist, libellous
or otherwise hateful in nature. The
Gateway also reserves the right to
publish letters online.

Letters to the editor should be no
longer than 350 words, and should
include the author's name, program,
year of study and student identifi-
cation number to be considered for
publication.

SSes

6 OPINION

a }

GATEWAY OPINION

pyitling its evil androidinal twin since 1O1m

Gateway Opinion is the stuff of lore—come to our
meetings on Thursdays at 4pm to find out why.

Considering graduate school?

think Research
think Queers

Visit the Queens University booth at the
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10:30AM to 2:30PM, Wednesday, 8 November 2006
Dinwoodie Lounge, Students’ Union Building
University of Alberta

See you there!

12‘ Annual Interfaith
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WAR OR PEACE?
What Awaits
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Jasbeer Singh
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Rabbi David Kunin
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Rev. Bruce Miller
United Church

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(Registration starts at 6:30 pm)

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www.alislam.org

tuesday, 7 november, 2006

Long-overdue new tuition policy
only puts us back to square one

“Tt’s clear that the majority of U of A students don't give a
shit about tuition policy. The Tories can dilly-dally with
PSE because they know both that the bulk of students
wont lift a finger to protest higher fees, and that we
won't be casting ballots anyway, so our opinions won't
affect the political climate in the slightest.”

MATT
FREHNER

The sarcastic little “days we’ve been
waiting for an affordable tuition
policy” sign that our Students’ Union
put up in SUB the other day must
have done the trick: the Tories finally
unveiled their entirely underwhelm-
ing tuition policy last Friday.

Quite obviously, Advanced Education
Minister Denis Herard was walking
through SUB, saw the poster and said
to himself, “Oh, right, that’s what I was
supposed to be working on these last
six months. Shit. We'd better get some-
thing in writing How about setting
tuition policy back 2004/05 levels? Oh,
we already did that? Well, let’s tie the
tuition increases to CPI, and throw in
some extra tidbits that look good, but
don’t really help students in financial
need, like increasing loan limits. And
let’s get this thing out tomorrow, I want
to go tobogganing this weekend.”

Never mind that millions of dollars

were poured into reviewing postsec-
ondary education via conferences, con-
sultations with “stakeholders” (oddly
enough, usually old white men), and
colourful, glossy brochures. I was
there last November at the PSE policy
discussions, when then-minister Dave
Hancock acknowledged that barriers to
postsecondary are much more nuanced
than simple tuition fees. Housing costs
in Edmonton continue to rise, and the
Campus Food Bank is strained. Rural
and low-income Albertans are perpet-
ually underrepresented.

But we need not only to understand
that these barriers exist; we actually
need to act on it. And frankly, after
600-some days of waiting, students
shouldn’t be expected to take Herard at
his word that the affordability frame-
work will continue to improve, and,
come budget time, Alberta will be
ready to set up the most affordable
tuition policy in Canada.

To be fair, the U of A Students’
Union has historically been a bit scat-
tered in their approach to affordability.
A few years ago, our SU was pushing
for a tuition policy set at Consumer
Price Index (that is, inflation) plus two
per cent per year. This was dropped
in favour of a complete freeze (does
anyone remember the hilariously inef-
fective campaigns such as freezing the
etters TUITION in see-through plas-
tic pails?) before the current SU policy
of advocating a return to 2000/01
evels was put in place.

It’s clear that the majority of U of A
students don’t give a shit about tuition
policy. The Tories can dilly-dally with
PSE because they know both that the
bulk of students won't lift a finger to
protest higher fees, and that we won't
be casting ballots anyway, so our opin-
ions won't affect the political climate in
the slightest. The apathy at this campus
is absolutely astounding.

Albertans weren’t always this lazy.
Back in 82, over 3500 U of A students
marched to the Legislature to protest

large funding cuts at the University.
In those days students were unwill-
ing to see their fees raised and their
services cut, and that was at a time
when tuition made up a paltry nine
per cent of the University’s operating
budget, compared to the over 25 per
cent we pay today. It’s strange: we pay
for a lot more of our education these
days and care a lot less. The last time
I remember the SU marching to the
Legislature—and that was a few years
ago—I could count the number of
people on two hands and one foot.

Yes, were apathetic. What’s abso-
lutely absurd, however, is that Herard
had the brass balls to suggest Alberta’s
tuition policy is anywhere near the
most affordable in the country: in fact,
at $4828, we're well above national
average, and fully $2912 above Québec,
which boasts lowest tuition in Canada.
Unless they’re insinuating that tuition
is affordable because of the stellar
economy in Alberta, which belies the
fact that a booming economy furthers
rather than tightens the gap between
rich and poor. It’s the responsibility of
the government in a time of surpluses
to instigate progressive, long-range
policies. What the Conservatives have
given us so far is absurdly vague and
lacks imagination. Let’s hope the budget
shows something of substance: until
then let’s let Herard know we actually
give a shit about the future of university
education, for once.

Dont look at all the lovely people

There's a place for beautiful boys and girls—but it isn’t here at university

KELSEY
TANASIUK

There I was, comfortably seated in my
sociology class just minding my own
business, when my professor wan-
dered down the aisle. It was then that
I caught him out of the corner of my
eye—the blonde. I sat there in a daze,
as if struck with a frying pan to the
temple, admiring his beauty from afar.
Suddenly that rude little voice in the
back of my head gently reminded me,
“Hey dumbass! Class! Remember?”
Snapping back to reality, I attempted
to focus my attention on our professor’s
explanation of why humans developed
opposable thumbs. Despite my best
efforts, however, I still spend a vast
majority of my class time sneaking
glances at this adorable sweater-clad
specimen. I have this problem in most
of my classes, which brings me to the
point of this article: attractive people
shouldn't be allowed in university.
Okay, I realize this may seem a little
crazy, but bear with me a moment—
I've put some careful thought into this
claim. First of all, attractive people are
just too distracting to the rest of us.
How am I supposed to concentrate on
a Symbolic Logic lecture when a 9.3

on the hottie scale has been registered
a mere three seats to my left? It’s hardly
my fault I have rampant hormones and
the attention span of a goldfish.
Eliminating beautiful people from
our university would also cut annoying
classroom chatter in half If students
weren't there to flirt with each other
mid-lecture, overall class comprehen-
sion would go up ten-fold. Making
classes uglier would also make note-
taking a much less stressful endeavour.

How am I supposed

to concentrate ona
Symbolic Logic lecture
when a 9.3 on the
hottie scale has been
registered a mere three
seats to my left? It’s
hardly my fault I have
rampant hormones
and the attention span
of a goldfish.

Let’s face it: these good-looking
people don’t really need education. They
can all go on to successful careers of
underwear modeling and trophy-wife-
dom. It’s us average-to-homely people
who need our smarts to get by. I cer-
tainly don’t have any Sports IHlustrated

swimsuit photographers beating down
my door with their cameras in hand.
I need my Arts degree—otherwise I'd
be faced with a future of french fries
and Happy Meals.

Think of a famous person, your
favourite one—just off the top of your
head. Now, I'll bet 90 per cent of the
people reading this thought of someone
who’s famous for their looks and not
their smarts. Look at Jessica Simpson:
does anyone out there think for a
second that maybe she has a university
education? Of course she doesn’t—

because she doesn’t need one. This is
the girl who can’t determine fish from
chicken, yet people still idolize her.
That isn’t to say that only beautiful
people are idolized—they just come by
it easier. Take Gandhi. Not exactly the
most attractive guy, right? And think of
all the crazy stunts he had to pull to get
noticed, all that hunger-striking and
such: he totally did it for the chicks.
Now I realize that completely elimi-
nating attractive people from campus
may seem a little extreme—Nazi-
esque perhaps—so I am going to
propose a compromise. Any beautiful
person wishing to attend this univer-
sity should de-hottify themselves. Stop
washing your hair, dress like a hobo,
reek of body odour and replace your
facial cleansers with bacon grease. This
will help create a better campus soci-
ety—perhaps not visually, but academ-
ically at least. Repent, beautiful people!
Repent for the good of our grades!

THE GATEWAY ¢ volume XCVII number 17

OPINION

f

Americas funniest Republican home videos

Some smug Canadians lampoon the most outrageous attack ads in anticipation of today’s congressional mid-term elections in the US

OPINION
STAFF

Group
Commentary

Today’s a big day for our neighbours
to the South, as voters in the spectator
democracy that is the US of A get to
feel important for a while by voting
on who will control the House and
Senate in Washington, DC.

As fascinating as this election’s results
will be, however, the most compelling
aspect for impartial observers like us
is the ruthless campaigning that leads
up to such heated and polarized poli-
ticking. Republicans and Democrats
alike have been facing off on TV and
other media for weeks now, with no
topic too controversial and no skeleton
too deep in the closet with which to
manipulate public opinion. Our panel
of self-appointed experts examines the
best of the worst.

Ramin Ostad

I’dhaveto pick Pennsylvania Republican
Senator Rick Santorum’s ironic and
more-than-slightly ridiculous —_ ad,
which features Rick in the middle of
a wrestling ring. Mr Santorum inter-
rupts what seems to be a tornado-tag
match—in an attempt to appeal to
that crucial “toothless redneck” voter
base—to discuss the many policies he’s
put in place during his term, including
making references to his work with

a

Hillary Clinton’s Anti-Violent-Video-
Game initiative. Then he punches a guy
in the face.

I find this a little odd, since back
in June he was one of three sena-
tors on hand as the Entertainment
Software Rating Board rolled out its
new “Commitment to Parents” pro-
gram. Still, | would be flattered that
Rick was so inspired by my wrestling-
and-politics article from two years
ago—which he undoubtedly read and
which he uses to imply that Democrats
are all body-slamming bullies in peak
physical condition—if only it wasn’t
a totally inaccurate description of his
political opposition. The part I find
most amusing about this is that the
wrestlers and the referee seem to be
genuinely offended by what Rick is
saying—unlike his constituents, who
have forgotten about him all together.

Jonn Kmech

I'd have to say that any of Vernon
Robinson’s attack ads are currently
the most ludicrous. His Twilight Zone
ad has Robinson doing his best Rod
Sterling impersonation and features
Islamic terrorists, raging homosexuals
kissing and holding “God is a Dyke”
signs, and liberal judges killing millions
of babies per year. These American
problems are all clearly due to the pres-
ence of Robinson’s incumbent oppo-
nent, Democrat Brad Miller, in North
Carolina’s 13th District.

Another disgusting ad—and which
has been thoroughly debunked by
FactCheck.org—has Robinson accus-
ing Miller of cutting funding for Army

body armour and using it to study “the
sex lives of Vietnamese prostitutes”
and “the masturbation habits of old
men,” as well as spending taxpayer
dollars to “pay teenage girls to watch
pornographic movies with probes con-
nected to their genitalia’ His latest
offering claims Miller voted to allow
illegal aliens to burn and trample the
American flag, as sufficiently Latino-
looking people climb fences, flip off
the camera, grab their crotches and
generally invade in the background. His
ads require little commentary; they’re
hilariously exaggerated, completely
misleading (the studies he mentioned
were all studies on sexual health), and
sink into the very bigotry and depravity
Robinson claims to be against.

Patrick Ross

Although they sometimes manage to
surprise us (hello, Mark Foley!), the
Republicans are pretty predictable. Case
in point: it’s election season, and once
again the Grand Old Party has trotted
out the bogeyman that is Osama bin
Laden for one of its newest ads, designed
specifically to scare people into voting
for the Republicans in the forthcoming
mid-term elections. Numerous images
of Osama bin Laden, terrorist training
camps and shots of Islamic extremists
are shown, with various bin Laden
quotes superimposed against it: “kill
the Americans’; “inside America’;

“suitcase bombs”; “nothing compared
to what you will see next.” All the
while, a ticking is heard in the back-
ground, growing ever louder. As this
supposed time bomb abruptly stops,

the words, “These are the stakes,”
appear on screen.

I’s an unsettling ad—fearmon-
gering at its worst (or at its best,
depending on your point of view). As
shocking as it is, however, it’s actually
a re-hashing of a 1964 ad in which a
little girl is shown innocently plucking
the petals off ofa daisy. As she counts,
her voice is eventually replaced with a
man’s voice counting down toward a
nuclear explosion. A man’s voice then
announces, “These are the stakes: to

make a world in which all of God’s
children can live, or to go into the
dark.” The original aired only once,
but it has been promised the sequel
will air many times more than that.

Paul Knoechel

The most hilariously offensive ad that
I’ve had the pleasure to see this elec-
tion is the attack ad against Harold
Ford put out by the Republican
National Committee.

This little 30 second slander spot
is impressive in that it’s able to jam
so many conservative attacks into it.
In a flashy, PowerPoint-ish ad, Ford
is accused of taking cash from porn
moguls, supporting gay marriage,
advocating abortion, and even of trying
to “put the abortion pill in the hands of
our children” (among others).

Now, part of me loves this because
some of these “attacks” would actually
be something a Canadian politician
would campaign under. But the best
part is that last shot, where the poor,
slutty school girl is being assaulted by
the massive mountain of abortion pills

Ford is attempting to force upon her.
It’s like Kang so diplomatically said on
The Simpsons: “Abortions for all!”

Adam Gaumont

The most ridiculous attack ad that I
found by searching YouTube for ten
minutes was the so-called “black
Republicans” ad, which features the
voice-over of a couple of sassy sistas
chatting (in the classically cheesy infor-
mation-dumping style) about how the
Republican party has always been so
good to blacks in the US. The central
narrator manages to rattle off a long list
of examples that prove that the GOP
has historically been better to blacks:
they abolished slavery; they started the
NAACP and affirmative action; they
included Martin Luther King in their
ranks. By the end, the second inter-
locutor remarks that it “sounds like
Democrats have bamboozled blacks.”
Alright, so Babe-raham Lincoln was
a Republican, and so the “Third-Party
System” of 1854, composed as it was
of Whigs, “Free-Soilers,” and Northern
Democrats, came up with that bit about
emancipating and proclamating. But
saying that this centuries-old group of
progressive nationalists shares the same
platforms and beliefs as the war-mon-
gering propagandists in power today
is akin to suggesting that the Colonel
himself will fry you up some chicken
if you head to KFC. The only people
being bamboozled here are the eleven
per cent of black Americans who actu-
ally bought into this crap and voted for
Bush last election. Here’s hoping they
don’t make the same mistake again.

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SPORTS

Defending field hockey champs fail to medal

BORIS KORBY
The Ubyssey

VANCOUVER—The 2005 national champion
Alberta was the better team Sunday morning in
the bronze medal match of the CIS women’s field
hockey championships, but will have nothing to
show for their efforts after a 2-1 loss on penal-
ties to the second-seeded University of Toronto at
Wright Field in Vancouver.

After regulation play and two overtimes, the
Pandas found themselves in penalty strokes at the
national tournament for the second consecutive
year. After scoring on their first two attempts,
the sticks went cold for Alberta, who missed
their final two, and lost 4-2.

“Tthought we played quite well today,” Alberta
head coach Carla Somerville said on Sunday. “I
thought we possessed the ball very well and gen-
erated more than enough opportunities to win
this game, but unfortunately it wasn’t our day to
put the ball in the net.”

After tying 2-2 in round-robin play the night
before, Alberta and Toronto picked up where
they left off Sunday, playing an even opening
half that saw the teams tied 0-0 after 35 min-
utes. The second frame began with more of the
same, with neither team managing to generate
much in the way scoring opportunities.

Toronto got on the scoreboard fist, striking in
the 62nd minute on an amazing solo effort by
forward Cailie O'Hara, who managed to slip by
three Alberta defenders, come out of the corner,
and beat Alberta’s sprawling Sara Houlihan low
to stake the Ontario University Athletics champi-
ons toa I-0 lead.

Toronto’s goal seemed to spark the lethargic
Alberta attack, who responded by dominating
the final eight minutes of the second half. The
Pandas were ultimately rewarded in the 70th

— 3

sports@gateway.ualberta.ca « tuesday, 7 november, 2006

OKER CHEN, THE UBYSSEY

NEW CHAMPS UBC (dark) defeated Victoria to take the McCrae cup and become the 2006 CIS field hockey champions. Alberta finished fourth.

minute when second-year defender Danielle
Barron scored of a perfectly executed short
corner to draw Alberta even.

“T think we really felt some urgency,” Barron
said. “We just didn’t want to lose this game, it
was just so important to us.”

“Tt was a great thing to see, we got a bit little
pissed off [after Toronto’s goal] and we started
to take it to them,” Somerville said. “We really
needed to do that earlier, and if we’d come out at
the beginning of the game like that, I don’t think

LAUREN STIEGLITZ

HIGH PRESSURE Carly McLennan (8) and her teammates ran TRU off the court on Friday night.

this game would have been in question, so abso-
lutely a very disappointing loss in that regard.

It was an unlucky ending for an Alberta squad
that managed to claw its way back into medal con-
tention with a victory over York and a draw against
Toronto after dropping its first two matches of the
tournament to perennial rivals and tournament
favourites UVic and UBC. It was fitting for a team
that couldn’t find a way to beat either of their con-
ference rivals in regular season play this season.
All three of their wins came against Calgary.

“We didn’t get a result against either UBC or
Victoria, and it was hard emotionally to come
back from that, but we got ourselves into the
bronze medal game,” said Somerville, who
was named CIS coach of the Year for the second
straight time.

“Tt was a really tough tournament, it was a
lot of fun, but it was hard work,” Barron added.
“UVic and UBC are very strong teams, and
we knew it was definitely going to be hard to
repeat.”

Pandas give Pack, Cades
not-so-warm welcome

CHRIS O'LEARY
Sports Staff

So much for being hospitable hosts.

The Pandas basketball team went one-on-one
with the two newest teams in CIS women’s bas-
ketball this past weekend and showed them just
how harsh life is in the nation’s toughest basket-
ball conference.

Interim head coach Scott Edwards’ squad
needed only 20 minutes to blow the gates open in
their Friday night matchup against the Thompson
Rivers WolfPack, as the Pandas turned an early
ten-point lead into a 54-17 halftime hole that the
Kamloops squad, in their second season in CIS,
couldn’t dig their way out of.

With the game well out of reach, Edwards kept
his starters involved, leaving them in the rota-
tion until the final minutes of the fourth quar-
ter. At the conclusion of the 98-49 trouncing,
WolfPack head coach Scott Reeves refused com-
ment on the game.

“Well, [Scott Edwards] came to play and I’m
glad he did,” WolfPack assistant coach Chuck
Ferguson offered in his place. “I would have
been offended if he had taken it easy on us. He
came to play and that’s the way it should be.”

On Saturday night, the Pandas were a part of
history—albeit an inauspicious part of it—as they
handed the University College of Fraser Valley
Cascades their first road-sweep of their inaugu-
ral season in CIS, finishing off the job that the
Saskatchewan Huskies started on Friday night.

After a strong start on Friday night, the Pandas
struggled with the Cascades, who were led by the
stellar play of guard tandem Megan McAlister and
Michelle Buhler. The two third-year Abbotsford
products combined for 38 points, nine assists
and seven steals, while they attempted to throw

a wrench in the Pandas’ execution.

“They're good players. Buehler’s a fantastic
point guard, and McAlister is a great shooter,
she’s really quick. They did really well together
and they did a great job against us,” Edwards
said of the backcourt he coached against for
two seasons in the Canadian Collegiate Athletics
Association.

While the Cascades looked to build on their
three-point halftime lead, third-year Pandas
Kristen Jarock, Ashley Wigg and Nathalie
Kiernan took control of the game. Wigg came
out on the offensive to start the third, driving to
the hoop at will, collecting six ofher 13 points in
the quarter. Kiernan showed her shooting touch,
padding to her team best 15 points, while Jarock
did a little bit of everything, going for 14 points
and grabbing ten rebounds, good for her second
double-double of the weekend. Alberta’s 18-8
third quarter put the game out of reach for the
Cascades, who fell to the Pandas 74-66.

“They're third-years now, and they’ve played
a ton of basketball together in their time here,”
Edwards said of Jarock, Wigg and Kiernan.
“They’ve seen everything that this conference can
offer them and they know how to compete in big
moments. They're good at finding ways to win
when we don't really have our legs, like tonight.”

As effective as the trio was, the night belonged
to Jarock. Named a second-team Canada West
all-star for her strong post play last season, the
60” forward drove and dished to open team-
mates, in addition to showcasing a newly-found
extended range that was absent from her game in
previous seasons.

“Playing the four [power forward], it’s kind
of an advantage to be able to take it to the hole. I
think [’m quicker than most power forwards, so
I use that to my advantage,” Jarock said.

THE GATEWAY ¢ volume XCVII number 17

JANELLE SLOYCHUK
Sports Writer

As the final whistle blew Sunday
afternoon, the University of Alberta
Golden Bears strode off the Foote
Field as quickly as they had entered on
Saturday. Not because it was merci-
lessly cold for soccer uniform require-
ments, which it was, but because the
Bears immaculate season was left in
shambles after suffering their first
two losses and a last place finish in the
Canada West men’s soccer champion-
ships this weekend.

The Trinity Western Spartans, who
have proven to be a thorn in Alberta’s
side all season, shut out the Bears on
Saturday with 2-0 victory, and while
the top-seeded Bears out-shot the
Spartans, it was the Spartan’s consis-
tency that ultimately determined the
final score.

“We've played well this season;
we've just done it in spurts,” Trinity
Western head coach Al Anderson said.
“The nice thing about [Saturday] is
that we did it for 90 minutes, which
ina playoff game, really matters.”

TWU’s Stefan Leslie, who was
also named Canada West Rookie of
the Year, slotted the first goal past
Alberta’s Dan Gusberti with another

to follow by Adrian Kekec. While
the intensity of play didn’t falter for
either team, Anderson credits his
team’s win on the fact that Alberta
had a bye into the CIS championships
next weekend.

“The real difference between the
two teams was that at the end of the
day, we needed this win, Alberta did
not,” Anderson said. “[Alberta’s] play-
ing a team with their backs completely
against the wall. We had to give a good
performance and that’s how it played
out [Saturday].”

“We wanted to earn
the right as opposed to
getting there through
the back door.”

LEN VICKERY,
GOLDEN BEARS HEAD COACH

“We knew it was going to be a
tough game. It’s a fine line between
excellence and just being truly com-
petitive,” Alberta head coach Len
Vickery said. “[TWU] found a little
bit of inspirational play and we were
found wanting in that regard. I believe

ZENDREW RININSLAND, THE GAUNTLET
GOING TO SCORE Trinity Western dispatched of Alberta in the semis and Calgary in the final to win Canada West.

Soccer Bears blow unbeaten
record with playoff losses

we left things to chance and unfortu-
nately the chances were not in our
favour.”

Though Saturday’s score was a tough
one to swallow for the Bears, UBC
added insult to injury by overtaking
the Bears with a tie-breaking goal in
the final minute of Sunday’s bronze-
medal game.

Trinity Western, who buried Calgary
in a4—l victory for the gold medal, will
carry on to the CIS Championship this
weekend, along with the Dinos. The
Bears will join them as host organiza-
tion, instead of the number one ranked
team as they would have liked.

“You always like to carry a little bit
of momentum into a national finals
right from day one,” Vickery said. “We
wanted to earn the right as opposed to
getting there through the back door.”

For Vickery however, this past week-
end’s disappointment doesn’t forecast
how the team will play at nationals.

“They need to put the experience of
this weekend behind them,” he said.
“By the same token, they should learn
from this past weekend. They're going
to have to up the ante a little bit on
inspirational play and, of course, all
the truisms in sport have to come to
the forefront; our best players need to
be our best players.”

Morrison regaining form after attack

MUGGING ¢ CONTINUED FROM PAGE 1

“T was concerned about not their
physical—they looked alright physi-
cally other than CG had a big lump on
his head and his eye was closed—but
psychologically, how they’re going to
deal with the fact that they’re both
from BC, their parents think they’re
in a safe environment and now their
parents are going to know that they've
been beat up on Whyte Avenue,”
Horwood said.

Horwood also noted that the inci-
dent could damage the team’s recruit-
ing in BC. Six of the Bears new recruits
hail from the western-most prov-
ince, joining veteran BC transplants
Scott Gordon and Harvey Bradford.
Horwood coached high school basket-
ball in Victoria before joining Alberta.

“We recruit in Victoria. We recruit
in Vancouver. If parents out there hear,

‘shit, if you go to the University of
Alberta and you might get beat up or
shot in a nightclub.’ They're not going
to know that [Whyte Ave and the Red
Light Lounge] aren’t the same thing,”
Horwood explained.

Despite Horwood’s reservations,
Morrison has no problems with the
city, though it’s a far cry from his
Victoria roots.

“Tm not worried about the city or
anything. | still feel comfortable,” he
said. “I love [Edmonton] so far. I’ve
never been in cold weather like this
before, but everything else I love.”

Horwood also expressed concern
over Morrison’s ability to return to
the form that saw him earn the start-
ing point guard spot in the preseason
and put up big numbers in exhibition
tournaments.

“CG was a tournament all-star the

week before down in Calgary. This
weekend we're in Saskatchewan—
these are really important games—he
missed last weekend’s play coming
off a weekend he played really well.
How quickly is he going to get back
to where he was?” Horwood said.
“Is this going to take a little bit more
time, what does it do to his confidence
now that he has to reassimilate him-
self? That’s my only concern [about
Morrison].”

“Tt just took me a good day in
practice to get comfortable with
all the guys, and I felt good today,”
Morrison added after Monday’s work-
out with the team. “I feel good. It’s
getting better every day. The swell-
ing has gone down, so [all that’s left
is] slowly easing my way back into
things and I was able to go pretty
full-out today.”

SPORTS QO

Ever since he was little, Rem Murray

Ever since he was little, Ross

wanted to be a hockey player. Prusakowski wanted to be a firetruck.

GATEWAY SPORTS

sports@gateway.ualberta.ca

Meetings at 5:30pm.
in 3-04 SUB

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graduate degree?

Meet reps from Canada’s top
universities and discover your study options.

Wednesday, November 8, 2006
10:30 am - 2:30 pm

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For a list of exhibitors, visit www.ualberta.ca/gradstudies

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